People think I need a man, I can't quit laughing

 People think all my problems would be solved if I was married or had a boyfriend. My dad used to always crab at me and tell me to get a man so they could do all the things around the house. I was married for several years and he didn't mow or do anything around the house so that is a moot point.  I told my dad one day. "What if I don't want a man?, what if I want a good woman?". His reply was "Make sure she can mow." Now for those of you who know me I don't float to the other side, not that there is anything wrong with that it's just not for me.

 Men from my generation were raised under mama and grandma's skirts. They can fillet a fish or field dress a deer, change a flat tire and work a remote like a ballet.  They do not know how to cook, vacuum, dust, wash dishes, do laundry or change light bulbs. The men that can do all these things are already taken all  3 of you. If I have offended you I apologize. No, wait. I don't.

 It would be nice to have someone to split the bills with and kill the bugs  but frankly its not worth it to me. I don't want to share a bathroom, bed or closet,  I don't want another somebody to clean up after. I have 4 cats and 2 dogs they are enough.. I cringe when I hear the words "whats for dinner?" It makes me want to punch someone in the face. I like to get up at 2am and draw or write, before my daughter moved back home playing the piano at sunrise was heavenly.. If I had time to watch tv I would want to watch the history channel, TMC and cartoons. I don't want to go fishing on Saturday I want to go to the flea market or make something in the garage.I don't want to sit around a campfire on Friday night and drink, I want to go to the symphony or art show and drink.

 When I was married the second time I lost my independence and it literally killed me. Now that I have it back I refuse to let it go. My poor child gets that notion drilled in her head. Be self sufficient so you do not have to rely on anyone. My dad used to tell her "marry a doctor" I tell her "BE THE DOCTOR".

 I'm not a feminist or man hater. I believe chivalry isn't dead its just a dying art form. I just don't think being in a relationship would solve the issues I have it would create more. So for those of you who think a relationship is for me at this point in my life you are wrong. I'm the only one who knows what I need. ...I need Sven and a lot of money....Sven is my blond God that I met in Switzerland in my dreams. He doesn't speak English but that's ok, he knows how to make an excellent martini, shaken not stirred, cold, very cold , two olives and make it  double....