Church is 15 steps away

 I was inspired to write this, thanks to a few words from my lovely friends. Sometimes a word or phrase can inspire me to think of something random. If I don't go with it, it fades away. I used to keep a tape recorder in my pocket just for that reason and then I would write down my thoughts in a journal but my house fire erased all of those memories. Thus, the blog. It's here forever.

 I go to church everyday but not in the physical sense. I work on Sunday's so finding a Saturday night service is far and few between so If I'm in the mood I usually go to on line church. I'm not going to get into religion, for the hard core folks out there click the big X at the top right corner of this page and say a prayer for me. For the open minded folks I know keep reading.

 I have faith, I have alot of faith but that is not the reason for my story. For years I have had a ritual of spiritual awareness  that I try and practice  every day. For the ones that know me, it is not dancing around the campfire naked and participating in making shrunken heads (that's only in the fall months).jk.

 My ritual is always the same when I get home from work I grab the pups and a cold drink,  on the weekends I grab a cup of coffee and head out to church. Church is 15 steps away down the front steps. Weather permitting I take off my shoes and step into the grass, take a deep breath and thank God for yet another amazing day. Sometimes I pray, but  most of the time I'm like a child opening their birthday presents. I can not wait to see what is blooming. I do a walk around and then come back slowly and look in the face of each flower. I imagine each flower is someone I have lost in the past. Like  life they are only here for a while and then bloom in my heart the rest of the year.

In the winter, although nothing is blooming I know that underneath my feet the blossoms of spring are sleeping . I re imagine what I want to do in the spring/summer and reflect on the past year.

Spring is the big gift because you get a tangible present every day. What may be a bud one day will be a big flower the next. I take pride in my flowers. I treat them with care. I love walking in the rain especially in the summer when it is hot and the rain is cool. I still jump in puddles and my puppy loves it when  I throw her ball into the little pool of water that collects in the yard. I refuse to grow up.A summer walk in the rain  rejuvenates my inner child. I had to walk to school as a child and walking in the rain with my bubble umbrella was always fun. Even as a child I had an awareness of nature.

I walk, talk,reflect, pray and a lot of times just walk silence. Listening to the birds is the church choir. My dog barking is the kid crying that brings you back to reality. This is my church, time to thank the good Lord I made it another day. Tomorrow this wonderland of foliage my be here but I may not so I enjoy every flower for the beauty and life it gives me.

 Another car speeding down the highway honking at the lady holding a cup of coffee, still in her pajamas's at 10 am. I will not give them the finger today.

 So here is my church, no fancy cups or moldings, no ladies in hats or men in suits. just me, me in my pajamas's, my cup of coffee is the blood that gets me going, The birds get to drink holy water from heaven .My heart is always full of gratefulness and hope that tomorrow I will be able to take that 15 steps to church.

People think I need a man, I can't quit laughing

 People think all my problems would be solved if I was married or had a boyfriend. My dad used to always crab at me and tell me to get a man so they could do all the things around the house. I was married for several years and he didn't mow or do anything around the house so that is a moot point.  I told my dad one day. "What if I don't want a man?, what if I want a good woman?". His reply was "Make sure she can mow." Now for those of you who know me I don't float to the other side, not that there is anything wrong with that it's just not for me.

 Men from my generation were raised under mama and grandma's skirts. They can fillet a fish or field dress a deer, change a flat tire and work a remote like a ballet.  They do not know how to cook, vacuum, dust, wash dishes, do laundry or change light bulbs. The men that can do all these things are already taken all  3 of you. If I have offended you I apologize. No, wait. I don't.

 It would be nice to have someone to split the bills with and kill the bugs  but frankly its not worth it to me. I don't want to share a bathroom, bed or closet,  I don't want another somebody to clean up after. I have 4 cats and 2 dogs they are enough.. I cringe when I hear the words "whats for dinner?" It makes me want to punch someone in the face. I like to get up at 2am and draw or write, before my daughter moved back home playing the piano at sunrise was heavenly.. If I had time to watch tv I would want to watch the history channel, TMC and cartoons. I don't want to go fishing on Saturday I want to go to the flea market or make something in the garage.I don't want to sit around a campfire on Friday night and drink, I want to go to the symphony or art show and drink.

 When I was married the second time I lost my independence and it literally killed me. Now that I have it back I refuse to let it go. My poor child gets that notion drilled in her head. Be self sufficient so you do not have to rely on anyone. My dad used to tell her "marry a doctor" I tell her "BE THE DOCTOR".

 I'm not a feminist or man hater. I believe chivalry isn't dead its just a dying art form. I just don't think being in a relationship would solve the issues I have it would create more. So for those of you who think a relationship is for me at this point in my life you are wrong. I'm the only one who knows what I need. ...I need Sven and a lot of money....Sven is my blond God that I met in Switzerland in my dreams. He doesn't speak English but that's ok, he knows how to make an excellent martini, shaken not stirred, cold, very cold , two olives and make it  double....