Church is 15 steps away

 I was inspired to write this, thanks to a few words from my lovely friends. Sometimes a word or phrase can inspire me to think of something random. If I don't go with it, it fades away. I used to keep a tape recorder in my pocket just for that reason and then I would write down my thoughts in a journal but my house fire erased all of those memories. Thus, the blog. It's here forever.

 I go to church everyday but not in the physical sense. I work on Sunday's so finding a Saturday night service is far and few between so If I'm in the mood I usually go to on line church. I'm not going to get into religion, for the hard core folks out there click the big X at the top right corner of this page and say a prayer for me. For the open minded folks I know keep reading.

 I have faith, I have alot of faith but that is not the reason for my story. For years I have had a ritual of spiritual awareness  that I try and practice  every day. For the ones that know me, it is not dancing around the campfire naked and participating in making shrunken heads (that's only in the fall months).jk.

 My ritual is always the same when I get home from work I grab the pups and a cold drink,  on the weekends I grab a cup of coffee and head out to church. Church is 15 steps away down the front steps. Weather permitting I take off my shoes and step into the grass, take a deep breath and thank God for yet another amazing day. Sometimes I pray, but  most of the time I'm like a child opening their birthday presents. I can not wait to see what is blooming. I do a walk around and then come back slowly and look in the face of each flower. I imagine each flower is someone I have lost in the past. Like  life they are only here for a while and then bloom in my heart the rest of the year.

In the winter, although nothing is blooming I know that underneath my feet the blossoms of spring are sleeping . I re imagine what I want to do in the spring/summer and reflect on the past year.

Spring is the big gift because you get a tangible present every day. What may be a bud one day will be a big flower the next. I take pride in my flowers. I treat them with care. I love walking in the rain especially in the summer when it is hot and the rain is cool. I still jump in puddles and my puppy loves it when  I throw her ball into the little pool of water that collects in the yard. I refuse to grow up.A summer walk in the rain  rejuvenates my inner child. I had to walk to school as a child and walking in the rain with my bubble umbrella was always fun. Even as a child I had an awareness of nature.

I walk, talk,reflect, pray and a lot of times just walk silence. Listening to the birds is the church choir. My dog barking is the kid crying that brings you back to reality. This is my church, time to thank the good Lord I made it another day. Tomorrow this wonderland of foliage my be here but I may not so I enjoy every flower for the beauty and life it gives me.

 Another car speeding down the highway honking at the lady holding a cup of coffee, still in her pajamas's at 10 am. I will not give them the finger today.

 So here is my church, no fancy cups or moldings, no ladies in hats or men in suits. just me, me in my pajamas's, my cup of coffee is the blood that gets me going, The birds get to drink holy water from heaven .My heart is always full of gratefulness and hope that tomorrow I will be able to take that 15 steps to church.

People think I need a man, I can't quit laughing

 People think all my problems would be solved if I was married or had a boyfriend. My dad used to always crab at me and tell me to get a man so they could do all the things around the house. I was married for several years and he didn't mow or do anything around the house so that is a moot point.  I told my dad one day. "What if I don't want a man?, what if I want a good woman?". His reply was "Make sure she can mow." Now for those of you who know me I don't float to the other side, not that there is anything wrong with that it's just not for me.

 Men from my generation were raised under mama and grandma's skirts. They can fillet a fish or field dress a deer, change a flat tire and work a remote like a ballet.  They do not know how to cook, vacuum, dust, wash dishes, do laundry or change light bulbs. The men that can do all these things are already taken all  3 of you. If I have offended you I apologize. No, wait. I don't.

 It would be nice to have someone to split the bills with and kill the bugs  but frankly its not worth it to me. I don't want to share a bathroom, bed or closet,  I don't want another somebody to clean up after. I have 4 cats and 2 dogs they are enough.. I cringe when I hear the words "whats for dinner?" It makes me want to punch someone in the face. I like to get up at 2am and draw or write, before my daughter moved back home playing the piano at sunrise was heavenly.. If I had time to watch tv I would want to watch the history channel, TMC and cartoons. I don't want to go fishing on Saturday I want to go to the flea market or make something in the garage.I don't want to sit around a campfire on Friday night and drink, I want to go to the symphony or art show and drink.

 When I was married the second time I lost my independence and it literally killed me. Now that I have it back I refuse to let it go. My poor child gets that notion drilled in her head. Be self sufficient so you do not have to rely on anyone. My dad used to tell her "marry a doctor" I tell her "BE THE DOCTOR".

 I'm not a feminist or man hater. I believe chivalry isn't dead its just a dying art form. I just don't think being in a relationship would solve the issues I have it would create more. So for those of you who think a relationship is for me at this point in my life you are wrong. I'm the only one who knows what I need. ...I need Sven and a lot of money....Sven is my blond God that I met in Switzerland in my dreams. He doesn't speak English but that's ok, he knows how to make an excellent martini, shaken not stirred, cold, very cold , two olives and make it  double....

Autumn My Favorite Time of Year

Autumn, my favorite time of the year. My sister didn't like autumn she said everything is dying and the cold weather didn't suit her. Funny how two people can look at the same thing and see something different. I see autumn as shedding it's summer skin. Shrug off the old to sleep during winter and get rejuvenated for spring.


 I grew up in the north the kaleidoscope of colored leaves in the fall were breathtaking. Even as a small child I appreciated the beauty of nature and my surroundings.

 The neighborhood I lived in had a leaf service that would come around and suck up all the leaves. All you had to do was rake them into the curb in a pile and the big machine would suck them up. My friends and I would walk to school and jump and play in each pile leaving behind destruction. I'm sure the leaf guy hated us since we made his job harder. I would come home with holes in my stockings and leaves in my pockets and shoes.

 My girlfriends  would rake the leaves of her grandmothers yard and she would take us out to Friendly's for ice cream another yearly event I looked forward to. Now the thought of raking leaves makes me cringe, I'm good at making excuses now but since I'm single if I don't do it. It doesn't get done.

I've always loved Autumn, my birthday is in autumn. I love Halloween, fall colors and pumpkins that time of year for bonfires and marshmallow's, ghost stories and cold nights.

 Every year my family would drive up to Pound Ridge New York and make the 2 mile hike to the fire tower where we could look out at all the colorful leaves. We would have a family picnic with cousins, aunts and uncles and then start the journey to the tower.


 It's been decades since I went on that hike but have never forgotten such a great memory. I was curious one day and googled the park and the fire tower and sadly came up with nothing. I even went so far as to call the Pound Ridge Chamber of Commerce. The nice lady said they didn't have a fire tower. I was shocked surly this wasn't some childhood fantasy. I started digging through my photos and found some of the tower and sent them to her. She went so far as to call me back after she did some research and said the tower did exist and was torn down in the late 70's. A year or so after my family moved to Tennessee. I'm sure they took it down as a liability issue. I will have to dig out the photos and update this post when I find them.


 She asked if I could send her some photos for their museum. Ah I need to get on that task. As autumn would have it everything must come to an end at least I had the memory to carry with me all these years.
 Tennessee fall season isn't as lovely as the north. We have one or two good weeks of beauty and then once it rains its all gone. I spent two days outside driving around looking at the changing leaves because I knew time would run out and it did. Now I have to get back outside and rake up all the leaves. I usually blow them into my neighbors yard and they blow them back into mine. A volleyball game with leaves until they blow away. I thought I would do the adult thing this year and rake them up. I did save a bunch for my compost.
As long as you keep turning them so they don't get moldy by spring I will have lovely dark compost.

Update: I found this post I started and didn't finish it so here I am as usual procrastinating. Last fall I was mowing up the yard and some leaves got under neath the mower and caught it on fire. Had to call the fire dept. I figured  when the seat started melting it was time to call. I can look back and almost laugh it up as a life experience although my lawn mower would beg to differ. At least I have a spare mower. On the bright side we wanted to clean up the leaves off the driveway anyway.

and so it goes. Its now February the grass will start growing the cycle will follow and I'll be raking leaves again soon..Till then..

A Twitter Follower Left Me A Message

A twitter follower left me a message that said I was lucky to live in America. It made me think of where I live and how truly lucky I am. I do not take my freedom for granted. Of course some Americans will beg to differ once they start complaining about the government, corruption, political crap, that could lead to a novel and since I am a horrible writer I will leave that to the folks that can write.

 If I look at my life I have everything I need, a job, a home, food, health, the freedom to write, carry a weapon, vote, post an opinion and walk outside without fear. I’ve only recently started locking up the house and the car with the persuasion of friends. Someone asked me if I was scared that I would get robbed. I’ve been robbed; I have nothing left to steal unless they want a fork, and I have plenty of those.

I do keep a pistol handy, between my dogs and my neighbors I have a pretty good watch system but never the less if someone is in my driveway it’s either to visit me or rob me or worse. Worse case scenario someone gets shot and leaves in an ambulance, or body bag.

I actually starting writing this last year, but couldn’t finish it because it just wasn’t the right time.

 When I need to think or just get away I fire up my jeep and go for a ride, crank up some music or just listen to nature’s music. A ride is what led me to writing this. I'm not writing about America as a whole for you folks reading this across the pond. This is my backyard, my community. Most parts of the US arent like this they have their own set of problems. I am just thankful to live in such a great place.

 A hot summer July day, my chores were done and I needed some jeep therapy so I loaded the dogs and up the road I went turned down a dirt road by the church and hung a left by the oak tree. I was feeling a little sentimental and started thinking about what a twitter friend said about me living in American and how lucky I was. Pride welled up in my chest and I smiled and thanked God that I did live in a good place. I rode past a house with a pristine manicured lawn. I slowed down and waved at the fella mowing. He had pride too I could see it in the flag blowing in the wind and the thought of someone living way out in the country with a manicured lawn. He wasn’t trying to keep up with the Joneses he was proud and wanted a nice yard for him and his family.

 I smelled a bar b q, that smell of food cooking made me hungry so I followed it. I came up to a house with kids playing outside and of course the dogs are barking and the kids were pointing at the dogs so I stopped and let the kids pet the dogs. The parents came over to and I struck up a conversation about dogs, jeeps and kids. They invited me to stay for dinner but I declined even though it smelled heavenly and went about my ride. Nice folks. Reminds me of a time we got a wrong number call. My dad was talking to the guy on the other end of the phone and the next thing I know the wrong caller shows up and we are grilling out. Loved my dad he never met a stranger.

 Riding and thinking. Thinking and riding. I passed  homes with kids playing in the pool. One house had a sprinkler outside and the kids were having a ball playing in it. The house that had a yard that needed to be mowed, another flag. Jesus saves sign. I rode past a few farms quiet in the setting sun and I realized I ridden so far I must be in another county by now. The pride still swelling I pulled over to snap some photos and realized these people are the backbone of this country. The farmers the minimum wage workers they all have one thing in common. To live freely. I could talk about our military but that would take another 20 pages so I will thank our service men and women for giving me the freedom to write this and to sleep in my bed at night to dream.

 This is my community, to the people that invited a stranger into their home to have dinner, the folks that stopped just to wave as I drove by and made a point to smile. 

 I am lucky. I don’t have war in my backyard. I didn’t have to leave in the middle of the night with everything I own in a backpack. My community has seen crisis and death. We’ve had our share of politics and racism but it hasn’t divided us yet of whom we are, we rise above it to love our neighbors and take care of each other. I am lucky. That pride again where are my tissues? 

2015 at an end

  As 2015 comes to a close it takes with it, heartache, pain, sadness, joy and tears.
 Most folks I talk to just want to move on forget 2015.
 
 This is as far as I got on this one..two weeks later and I still cant figure out how to get what I want to say on paper as usual.

 Forward to 2016. David Bowie, Alan Rickman, Dan Haggerty...need I say more? Cancer. All have died of cancer. Faith couldn't save them, money couldn't save them, technology couldn't save them. Where is all the money going for cancer research? Whose pockets are being lined with my hard earned money?

 It's the question I'm going to figure out this year. I don't make resolutions but I will dig into what is going on.

 Life, fragile and short. I thank God each day for this day. I don't aspire to be anything anymore I just want to make it to the next day, and praying the stock market will go up so I don't loose my hard earned money. To have a day where no crazy  gunman is shooting our families where someone I know isn't dying of cancer. To keep seeing the beauty in this world that I know exists. That is what I want. Utopia. I know I know I'm dreaming..I'm not going to embellish on a Utopian society read the book.

 I'm skimming the surface here. I'm not trying to be politically correct I just have so many thoughts on what is going on I could write a book. I am going to write some random thoughts. My co workers always tell me that they are always amazed at what random shit comes out of my mouth.So I'm going to do a series of just that random shit although I may have to change the name....