Lucky
for me I got up a little early this morning ,I decided to take my time get to work early put on the coffee and relax. What a plan! It's going to be a beautiful day! I made my way outside in the crack of dawn, still dark enough that the solar lights were still blazing lighting that path to my chariot. Pushed the start button and a little key icon came on. Whoa, what the..I never take my keys out of my
purse. I have a snap hook just for that reason and keep them hooked to the
zipper on the inside so I can just pull the keys out and use them without physically taking
them out of my purse.
When I was younger I would snap them to my belt loop and stuff them down in my pocket. I didn't like keeping keys or a drivers license in my purse in case it got stolen or lost if I was out somewhere and really didn't care that I had a bulge sticking out of my pants let em' think what they want, I have a ride home tonight.
I went back into the house to look around in the usual places and nothing. I
figured the ghosts in my house wouldn’t take my keys I mean unless they are up
to playing tricks again. I already warned them about leaving the lights on. Threatened them with "If you run up the electric bill your paying for it and that means get jobs you bums'! I figured they would blame it on the little old man that likes to bake cookies at night. When I try to grab one off the plate he disappears. I
looked around again and didn’t see them so I woke Sarah up and asked her
where my keys were since she went to the post office the day before. Her reply “I
don’t know” ..kids, is that the only sentence they know?
I made her get out of her warm bed and look
for my keys. Meanwhile the clock is ticking and I am not going to be late for
work. I do not do late. Plus we have a point system and I already have a point looming over me like a black cloud. I heard her on the phone talking to her boyfriend who
was already at work and asked him if my keys were in his truck.
Fuck..Fuck Fuck..breathe It's going to be a beautiful day Plan B: I have another car I will just take that one, oh right the
battery on the Blazer is dead . I procrastinated to long and kept putting off getting a battery because I'm to CHEAP to get one. Plan C: let me grab a coat and take the Jeep the
fresh air will
do me good, hopefully the cracked windshield (thus this blog) wont get me pulled over, and the
fact the tags are expired .Nope..not gonna happen I wont take the chance of getting pulled over this early in the morning. Fuck it, I'm going in.
Plan D: I'm not going in. The car is parked In front of the Jeep. Another strike, If I would have cleaned out the garage 4 months ago and got rid of all that hoarder crap my car would fit in the garage not parked outside behind the Jeep. Wait! What the hell am I thinking! If my child put my keys back in my purse I would be cruising to the classics singing off the top of my lungs and playing dashboard piano right now! I guess it’s a toss up between the golf
cart and the farm truck. If I knew I wouldn’t be late I'd take the the golf cart. My dad used to drive it around town all the time surly it gets good gas mileage. After thinking about it and checking my clock I realized Plan E was the right choice.
Plan E: The farm truck, oh yea! A 1988 GMC long bed 4WD . Slick multi colored paint job rust, primer and a bumper that is held together with wire. The farm truck that I use around the place to pick up trash, tree limbs and smells like a musty old barn. I realized last summer the gas gauge was off 1/4 tank your on EMPTY! Took 2 mechanics to figure out I was out of gas. I'm going in. It's going to be a beautiful fucking day!
So
off I drive into the morning in the farm truck, windows down grabbing the
steering wheel tight praying to God to let me make it
to work and please stop me from strangling my child…
I drove 40 miles/hour all the way to work and prayed the whole time that the wheels wouldn't fall off of the thermostat wouldn't stick and over heat the engine. When was the last time I changed the oil? I parked in the far parking lot at work just in case the truck wouldn't start It would be easy to tow.
The drive home aught to be pleasant with 90 + degree weather and the only air conditioning that truck has is windows down doing 70 miles/hour. It's going to be a beautifully fucking wonderful day!
The funny thing about driving an old truck that's multi colored and dented is that people out on the road assume you drive a piece of shit you don't have insurance. I had the road to myself, no one got near me, tailgated me, passed me. cut me off, I was the king of the road!
I made it home parked the truck under a shade tree, well done truck..well done..I need something cold to drink and couch Oh wait, I don't have my keys surly my child realized this and didn't lock the front door. Front door locked, dogs barking and scratching on the door. time for Plan F. I don't have a hide key and all my windows and doors are locked up tight..
I guess I will have to sit out here and wait until someone comes home. This had been a really Fucked up beautiful fuck fucking day! .
No comments:
Post a Comment